Good morning, and welcome back. We’re back again for another raw conversation.

Before I jump into this, let me give a quick disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I’m not a counselor. I’m simply a woman who has lived life, learned lessons, and gained wisdom through experience. Everything I’m sharing comes from my heart, from what I’ve walked through, and from what God has revealed to me.

So let’s get into it.

One of the most common words I hear being tossed around today is submission.

And every time I hear it, I can’t help but pause—because the way people use this word now is often twisted, misunderstood, and used out of context.

Submission has become a trending topic, especially in relationships, but I think many people forget one very important point:

The Bible teaches that wives are to submit to their husbands as their husbands follow Christ.

Let’s say that again for the people in the back:

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

— Ephesians 5:22

Keyword: wives.

So to all the boyfriends out there who love quoting Scripture when it benefits them… respectfully, submission does not apply to you.

If you want a woman to move like a wife, then make her your wife.

Period.

Submission Has Been Confused With Subservience

Another thing I’ve noticed is that submission is often confused with the word subservient.

And those are two completely different things.

Submission is not slavery.

Submission is not silence.

Submission is not control.

Submission is not a woman losing her voice, her mind, or her identity.

I can be submissive and still be strong.

I can be submissive and still have an opinion.

I can be submissive and still speak up when something isn’t right.

Because submission is not about being powerless—it’s about order, unity, and partnership under God.

And let me be clear: I have never been a “yes girl.”

I operate in leadership in my career. I make decisions all day. I lead, I manage, I plan, I solve problems. So yes, I desire a husband who can lead. I desire a home where I don’t have to carry everything.

I want to be able to come home and exhale.

I want my husband to lead.

I want to trust his decision-making.

I want to feel safe enough to rest.

But that does not mean I should be silenced.

My Voice Shouldn’t Be Taken Away

In my past relationship, this is where things became complicated.

My partner wanted submission… but he didn’t want responsibility.

He wanted me to follow him… but he wasn’t following Christ.

And that right there was the issue.

Because how can you demand submission from a woman when you aren’t submitted to God yourself?

The Word says:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

— Ephesians 5:25

So if you’re not loving me with sacrifice… if you’re not leading with humility… if you’re not covering me spiritually… then what exactly are you asking me to submit to?

Your ego?

Your pride?

Your insecurity?

Because I am not called to submit to a man’s ego.

Submission Requires Spiritual Leadership

My pastor once preached a sermon about the man who was possessed with demons. And something in that message made me reflect deeply—not just on him, but on me too.

It made me ask myself this question:

Why does my partner feel like I’m not submissive?

And then it made me wonder:

Is my partner praying about why I’m not submissive?

Because it’s twofold.

Yes, I need to look inward and ask God:

• Am I operating in pride?

• Am I too controlling?

• Am I unwilling to yield?

• Am I guarding myself because of past pain?

But he also needs to look inward and ask God:

• Am I truly leading her?

• Am I loving her correctly?

• Am I honoring her voice?

• Am I providing spiritual covering?

• Am I submitted to Christ?

Because one thing I’ve learned is this:

You can’t change another person.

You can only be accountable for yourself.

Isolation Makes Everything Worse

Another point my pastor made that stood out to me was this:

When you isolate yourself, it becomes harder to fix the issue.

Isolation keeps you stuck.

Isolation keeps you confused.

Isolation makes you believe things that aren’t true.

And in relationships, isolation can become dangerous—especially when one person is trying to control the other. Because when you’re isolated, you don’t have accountability. You don’t have wise counsel. You don’t have people speaking truth into your life.

The Bible tells us:

“Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.”

— Proverbs 11:14

There is safety in godly wisdom.

There is safety in accountability.

There is safety in having people around you who can recognize what you may not see.

Where Is the Fruit?

One of the biggest things I noticed in my relationship was the lack of fruit.

A man can tell you he’s a man of God all day long.

But if there’s no fruit, then what are we really talking about?

Because fruit is evidence.

If you’re truly a praying man, then prayer should be present in the household.

If you’re truly walking with God, then love should be present.

Patience should be present.

Gentleness should be present.

Self-control should be present.

The Word tells us:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

— Galatians 5:22-23

So if I’m hearing “submit, submit, submit”… but I’m not seeing love, peace, patience, or self-control… then we have a disconnect.

And it’s not about pointing fingers.

It’s about being honest.

Because God doesn’t call us to follow confusion.

God doesn’t call us to stay in dysfunction.

Submission Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Get to Speak

Let me say this plainly:

Submission does not mean I lose my right to express myself.

Submission does not mean I have to walk on eggshells.

Submission does not mean I have to shrink myself.

Submission does not mean I have to be timid, scared, or nervous to share my feelings.

If we are in partnership, then communication should be present.

We should be friends.

We should be able to talk.

We should be able to disagree without disrespect.

Because it’s not always going to be pretty.

Sometimes we’ll both be in our feelings.

Sometimes we’ll both be upset.

But the goal is not to “win.”

The goal is to grow.

The goal is unity.

The goal is understanding.

The goal is alignment.

A Healthy Relationship Has Balance

A relationship should not feel like dictatorship.

It should feel like teamwork.

And yes, there is order in the home. Yes, the husband is called to lead.

But leadership in the Kingdom is not about dominance.

Leadership is about service.

It’s about sacrifice.

It’s about covering.

It’s about responsibility.

Jesus Himself modeled this.

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…”

— Mark 10:45

So if a man is leading like Christ, he will not lead with intimidation.

He will not lead with control.

He will lead with love.

And a woman will naturally feel safe enough to submit.

Final Thoughts

Submission is beautiful when it is biblical.

Submission is powerful when it is mutual.

Submission works when both people are submitted to God.

But submission becomes toxic when it is demanded without spiritual leadership.

And that is why the Scripture matters:

“Wives, submit to your husbands as your husbands follow Christ.”

Because if Christ isn’t leading him…

Then what is?

And that’s the real question.

Closing Prayer

Father God, thank You for wisdom, discernment, and clarity. Thank You for teaching us what submission truly is and what it is not. Help us to be women who honor You in our relationships, but also help us to recognize when something is unhealthy or out of order. Teach us how to yield without losing ourselves. Teach men how to lead with humility, love, and sacrifice as Christ leads the church. Give us relationships that reflect You, homes that bear fruit, and partnerships rooted in peace. In Jesus’ name, Amen.