I’ve been learning a lot lately.

And when I say a lot, I mean I’ve been learning about myself, my circle, and the people who truly support me—especially now that I’m choosing to live more open and more vulnerable.

For the past couple years, I’ve faced hardship in different forms. Medical issues. Health scares. Emotional battles. Friendship disappointments. Life has not always been easy, and I’ve learned that storms don’t just reveal who God is… storms reveal who people are too.

And one of the most interesting—and painful—realizations I’ve come to is this:

The people you show up for won’t always show up for you.

Let’s be honest. Many of us have been the friend who answers the phone no matter what time it is.

We’ve been the friend who prays, checks in, sends encouraging texts, and sits in uncomfortable conversations because we care. We’ve supported people through breakups, job losses, family struggles, depression, and seasons where they weren’t even their best selves.

We’ve been there.

Not because we had all the answers, but because we knew how important it was for someone to not feel alone.

But what happens when it becomes your turn?

Some people love the happy version of you.

They love when you’re thriving.
They love when you’re celebrating.
They love when you’re glowing.
They love when you’re posting good news.
They love when you’re winning.

But when life gets heavy, when the joy is interrupted, when the news isn’t good, and when you’re scared…

They don’t know what to do.

And instead of showing up, they back away.

And that’s when you realize something sobering:

Some people only want access to the good parts of your life.

They want the laughter, but not the tears.
They want the celebration, but not the pain.
They want the blessing, but not the burden.

But a true friendship is not built in the highlights.

True friendship is built in the hard seasons.

Real Friends Sit With You

A real friend doesn’t always have to speak.

Sometimes, the best way to love someone is to simply sit with them. Quietly. Faithfully. Present.

When someone is grieving…
When someone is anxious…
When someone is facing health concerns…
When someone feels overwhelmed…
When someone is battling fear…

You don’t always need the perfect words.

You just need to be there.

Because presence speaks louder than advice.

Careless Words Can Do Real Damage

Over the past few years, I’ve learned how reckless people can be with their words.

And it’s shocking, honestly.

Here I am hurting.
Here I am dealing with loss.
Here I am facing fear.
Here I am preparing for something as serious as a breast biopsy—something I’ve never experienced before—and people speak carelessly as if it’s casual conversation.

And it’s not.

When someone is going through something heavy, this is not the time for assumptions, jokes, opinions, or unnecessary commentary.

If you don’t know what to say…

don’t say anything.

Instead, take it to God.

Take It to the Father in Prayer

One thing I’ve learned is that everybody doesn’t need to know what’s happening in your friend’s life.

Not everybody needs the details.
Not everybody needs the update.
Not everybody needs the story.

Sometimes what you should do is cover your friend.

Pray for them.
Pray with them.
Intercede for them.
Stand in the gap quietly.

Because prayer is powerful, and prayer is safe.

If you don’t know how to serve them, you can always serve them in prayer.

Honesty Is a Form of Love

Here’s something else I’ve learned:

If you don’t have the capacity to be there for someone, just be honest.

It’s okay to say:

“I don’t know how to support you in this season.”

It’s okay to admit you don’t have the words.

It’s okay to say you’re unsure.

But what isn’t okay is pretending to be a friend and then disappearing when life gets real.

Silence is painful.

Avoidance is painful.

And abandonment—especially from people you’ve poured into—is a different kind of heartbreak.

But honesty?

Honesty builds trust.

Be the Friend You’d Want

This season has challenged me to reflect deeply.

It has reminded me that I want to be the kind of friend that I’d want for myself.

Not just a “good time” friend.

Not just a “celebration” friend.

But the kind of friend who can handle the messy seasons.
The hard conversations.
The uncomfortable emotions.
The scary moments.
The uncertain outcomes.

Because that’s what real friendship is.

It’s easy to show up when everything is good.

But true friendship is proven when life gets heavy.

Some People Can’t Go Where You’re Going

And the truth is…

Sometimes God reveals people not to hurt you, but to protect you.

Sometimes the absence of certain people is not a loss—it’s a revelation.

Because everyone cannot go with you into the next version of you.

Everyone cannot handle your growth.
Everyone cannot handle your healing.
Everyone cannot handle your vulnerability.

Some people only know how to love you when you are strong, smiling, and silent.

But God is teaching me that I don’t need those kinds of connections.

I need friends who can cover me.
Friends who can pray.
Friends who can be present.
Friends who can be honest.
Friends who can love me in every season—not just the shiny ones.

And I’m learning that if someone can’t do that…

They may be close to me, but they are not connected to me.

Closing Thoughts

I’m not bitter.

But I am aware.

I’m aware that friendship requires more than history.
More than proximity.
More than shared laughs.

Friendship requires character.

And moving forward, I’m choosing to surround myself with people who understand that love isn’t just what you say—it’s what you do when life gets hard.

Because real friends don’t just celebrate you.

Real friends stay.